And I breathe, I breath no more.....

So many little pieces of me left around with so many pieces of my soul and being. So many little efforts tear at me with harsh restrictions. I try so hard and it seems that nothing will ever come of it. I have become so insane with desire; so sad with failure, that it seems I have nothing left. It doesn't even make sense to me anymore. Why do I try so hard?

As an Artist and a teenager, I am to know the hardships I must face to excel. I must have an understanding that things will rarely be easy and that I will face must many judges in my life. But why are these things around every corner? Why must I lose every turn? What have others done that I have not?

I feel as of now that I am being punished for a sin I commited in...another life. I write this just to speak, not really blog, but speak my mind. I feel shut up in every sense. I linger in the tower of my Haus and linger in the small room of my school and linger in the shallow silence of my mind. I am kept from my art by an invisible force, and I am miserable.

There is a person in my life who likes to tell me these things are my fault. I have some power to overcome this unknown. Frankly, thats bull shit. Anyone who thinks that way, about anything, clearly has never been in the same position. Anyone who can respond to another persons misery with a "fix it yourself" clearly has no idea what is going on.

So, here I am in my tower, in my mind, with only my thoughts to keep me company. But, anyone who has been to a theraputic anything, knows that thinking is the worst. Thinking about the art I will never finish, the dance I will never preform, the man I will never meet, and the pain I must deal with because there seems to be no cure.

And I breathe, I breathe, I breath...no more