Why even bother

I want to experience a feeling so rare to me, it is scary. Drawing the line in the sand, stand with me or you are forever against me. This is no time to make small friends. Its do or die. How can I carrying on when I know you are waiting to watch me fall? When can I get to him? That man I love? Why can't just one male, one, love me? Have I done something wrong? No I dserve my life. I want a marriage with pride, predjuice, and may poles. I want to the honey moon where I am treated like a goddess. I want th ehouse filled with kids made with only us. that moment when you come home from a long journey and you pick me up and swing me around. I believe in love and I would always believe in you and me. Fuck this shit

Falling in reverse

So many mistakes I make in one hours time. Screaming stop inside, dies my logical mind. pour me a glass of my own insanity to fuel the buzz God gave me. Too fast, too furious are the chemicals I run on. Make Vin Dessil cough on my dust. I once was a logical thing. Respected and like, full of knowledge and rules. Where am I now? On the old skid marks of a sheen machine? Rehab Queen or fashion scene? Am in a club full of fast beats and flashing lights or is my mind on a tab dancing in the middle of a class? Blood rushes to slow, my brain has already past out in the gutter. Filthy little whore I am. Lying to my friends scream at the parents. I'm a bitch and I am falling. Falling in reverse into a pile of cocaine. I don't mind if those lines are so close I cut my self on the razor. But the sick thing is I'm not on these drugs. I bare no Lohan excuses or rehab pass. I was born on drugs and only more drugs can help. I was born this cigar skin filled veins carrying vodka to my heart made of acid and abrain that can only be describe by LSD. But I have never taken these drugs, not once in my life. Yet every month or so I make the once around me accountable for this high. I want to be so high during these times I fall in reverse of a building. Why am I a burden? Why is this part of me?